WELL, after 5 years of being in a relationship and not having met any new guys, flirted or any of the above since I was 17 years old, seemed a bit daunting when going back into the dating scene at the age of 23; It is definitely a new experience for me now i’m a bit older and aware of what I want, which, obviously... I loved the thought of.
First things first, after my friends telling me to get on tinder, just to find my feet, I hated the thought of it, but I also thought..
’Fuck it’ What have I got to lose?
First impressions - guys were so much more forward than I ever thought, I was getting more messages than I expected.. Cheesy chat up lines, the odd question, and of course, the ‘less is more’ approach, with a simple “Hey”.. i was shocked, guys were not this confident last time I was single, then I have to remind myself, that was when I was 17.
The thought of meeting someone over a dating app, or over social media has never appealed to me and I think a lot of my generation turn to these apps when they’re just looking for casual sex, which is obviously completely fine, we all gotta survive right? but it still seems lazy in my eyes. My approach is meeting someone out, whether that leads to a conversation, a date, or more, that’s fine with me, but the initial meeting I would always prefer to be face to face and organic.
Whether I meet them at the gym or a bar, it would be better than the forced world of dating apps. BUT I’m not ALL old fashioned, personally I like going up to guys, having a conversation, getting a gauge of them and their personality, before either walking away because i'm uninterested, or carrying on the night, I feel like it is on my terms and I can leave at any point i’d like to, instead of the uncomfortable and awkward “I have a boyfriend” lie.
but again, this approach is something I never would have done as a 17 year old girl.
Couples Tinder?!
Another thing I didn’t expect, was couples tinder, where couples (whether that be gay or straight couples), create a tinder account together to find a 3rd party to join them, or for them to explore this side of things. I thought this is so positive for our generation, wanting to explore different things and being able to do so, whether you’re in a couple or not.
IT’S OK TO BE CURIOUS, FREE AND OPEN TO SEX, as long as it is consensual and safe.
Don’t get me wrong, getting out there, dating, having fun, flirting - whatever you want to do, is all well and good, but after 7 days on tinder, I thought... Why am I here? I don’t care to have the conversations with these guys, I'm not interested, the repetitive chat is boring and I have better things to do with my time. I wanted them to take me out, let's go and have dinner, some lunch, meet in person and see if we vibe, if we don't - then we leave it.
So much more efficient and no time wasting in my eyes.
"Its the laziness for me..."
Also, I completely understand girls and guys can use Tinder for casual sex, and people can date casually etc. but guys, its the laziness for me!? Whether we want to date exclusively or casually, girls (and guys), we deserve QUEEN treatment, no respect or lesser treatment should be required because we are just looking for a casual relationship. Personally, I think this is where there are some blurred lines in this generation. I think casual sex is completely healthy, as long as 100% communication, respect and consent is there. A mutual agreement about other sexual partners is also VERY important. (You don’t want any nasty surprises, this is why it is important to stay safe!)
Me being me, (I’m not sure if you can tell, but the way I think is slightly black and white) *sarcasm* Let's cut to it, my mind is very black and white.
So, off I went, all the guys that had shown more interest in me than just my photos, I went ahead with the message… “When are we going out then?” or sometimes “When will you be taking me out then?” Like I said at the beginning, now I'm older, I know what I want and more so, what I don't; so I really do not see the point in beating around the bush.
My friend warned me before I sent these messages.. “Millie, guys don’t date anymore” but my lack of dating (for obvious reasons) over the past 5 years, I thought I had to see for myself.
She was right, she was SO right. Guys got scared as soon as I had mentioned meeting in a setting that might not be a bedroom. That was enough Tinder for me.
Seeing it for what it is...
After seeing some scarring bios and some cringe-worthy chat up lines, I ditched the dating apps and decided to go out for some cocktails with my girl, and see if anyone caught my eye. (warning - do not try this after a *few* vinos)
I completely forgot about any boys as soon as I sat down with my girl, putting the world to rights with our conversations and gossiping, like we all do. That’s when I realised, I don’t need a boy's attention, it finally came to me. I’m perfectly fine alone & back to my independent self. My auntie constantly reminds me “you’re young, enjoy yourself, go on dates, if you end up sleeping with them, great! If you don’t, you don’t!” She was so right, who cares whether I'm in a relationship or even dating, I don’t. And that's all that matters, it’s about putting yourself first.
I’m 23 years old and should be concentrating on myself, my career, my happiness. I felt a surge of invincibility, over my feelings, my emotions that I knew from this moment forward, nobody could control. After 5 years of being in a relationship, especially through crucial years, this is what I had been waiting for, but I had to be alone to understand it.
So, to bring this experience of being almost 4 months single, after 5 years out to an end. I’m very happy, alone.
No, I haven’t been on any dates yet; but I’ve come to the conclusion that nobody has put enough effort in to go on a date with me just yet. It’ll be on my terms, when I feel like I want to.
